The Relationship Fast Lane

This week’s Monday’s Mailbag features a scenario that I’m sure many of you have dealt with, or seen friends go through. You are dating a woman, things start out without any expectations, then, to you, things get serious overnight. Now she’s talking moving in, marriage, and kids. What do you do? Check out the letter and our advice below.

I’ve been dating my current girlfriend for nearly six months, and things seem to be getting serious pretty quickly. She’s older than me, and had been married before(She’s 30, I’m 25). At first, when we met, she said she was just trying to date a few different people, and have nothing serious. That talk changed about a month into the relationship, and now, she wants us to move in. I care about her but I don’t think I want to do that just yet.

- Sammy

Sammy,
Thanks for reaching out to YoungBrothas.com. Your scenario is definitely one that is played out all over, so this answer will help you and some other readers I’m sure. First off, you stated in your email you have been with your girl only a few months right now, yet there has been some key winds of change in dialogue from her already. You said she started off saying she was looking at dating casual at first, and keeping things light. Now, though, she is trying to move in. Her mouth may have said what she knew you WANTED to hear earlier this year to get your interest peaked in exploring being with her, as she saw you as the single guy with options. Once she got you hooked, her true intentions(settling back down) came to surface.

You did not note in your email how long it has been since she divorced, but I will assume it has not been long. Your girl on the surface sounds like she is a good one, and she loves the notion of being in love. Her intent is to be in another long term relationship, and the time is NOW for you to let her know if that isn’t what you want. If you have any seeds of doubt that she is deeper in this than you, be a man, pump the brakes on the relationship, and reassess what you both want today. It’s the right thing to do for both you AND her.

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Tagged as: Mondays Mailbag, Relationships