Her Kids Hate Me…

In this week’s edition of YB’s Monday Mailbag, a reader brings up the topic of kids. Do you need their approval to date?

YoungBrothas,

I have been a supporter of your online magazine since January. I second guessed writing in for advice on my relationship, but figured it couldn’t hurt. I have been with my girl since November, and the only real beef I have is with her damn kids. I’m 27, never married and no kids, while she is 28, divorced a year ago, and had 2 kids from that marriage. The kids still love their dad, and the oldest hates me. I know it’s not my place to try to replace their dad in their life, but I don’t wanna deal with that drama everytime I come around. How should I handle this?

Kev

Check out our answer to Kev after the jump.

Kev,
I admit, when I first read your e-mail to us, the scenario reminded me of the Dorritos Superbowl commercial…

Having dated women with kids on 2 different occasions, my personal preference was altered due to the experiences. One was similar to yours, in which lil man did not want me around his mom, and was very overprotective of her personal life. I told her it was her duty to make him at ease about the fact that she would be dating, and did not need his approval. She didn’t do that, and instead, ultimately allowed that unneeded stress to cause a divide between our relationship.

The other time I dated a woman with a kid who did not like me, I was able to overcome that, and eventually grew a strong bond between her daughter and myself. You need to sit down and talk with your girl about your feelings. If she is someone who you feel you could have a future with, you must iron out those issues with her kids now. The longer you let it go, the worst it can get. You must also set some expectations with her about where you see yourself fitting in their lives. You aren’t their dad, but you are their mom’s boyfriend. If they are very young, they might not understand that concept. The fact she is recently divorced, you might be the first man that has been around them since their father as well, so that is a sensitive topic.

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Gotta relationship question for the YB Fam? Drop us a note and yours could be next on Monday’s Mailbag!

Tagged as: children, Dating Tips, Mondays Mailbag