Relationship Priorities 101

This week’s Monday’s Mailbag features a reader of YB who asked for help about a dilemma he was facing. How do you choose between your main girl and your side chick. It all depends on the priorities. Check out what guest blogger Dr. Eros Lubomir from AdventOutpost.com had to say.

Ive been checkin for your blogs on side chicks and how to handle em. I have been with my main girl for 4 years now, but things been on the rocks the past 6 months. I got another girl I used to work with that is doing the things my girl used to do to keep me. The main chick has more going for (better job, house, etc) but the side chick keeps me coming back. How do you choose between those 2?

Ray
Towson, MD

Check out the answer after the jump.

Ray this is very good question, I know of many people who have found themselves in a similar conundrum. A lot of the answer lies in the type of problem that you’re having with your girl. Is it a problem that is reoccurring road block or just a very simple problem that you can and want to fix?

Quick few quick notes before I get started…

* If your current girl wasn’t worth it, you probably wouldn’t have stayed with her for 4 years.

* When times get rough, you have to remember that every relationship will have its ups and downs and if you decide to run for the hills during these times you’ll never be able to maintain a successful relationship.

* If your side chick was worth leaving your girl (be it the right or wrong move) you wouldn’t even have to hesitate to make the switch.

* As men we like to have our cake and eat it too, but most times this is not possible.

* They say that the grass is always greener on the other side meaning that what seems better is not always better. There are probably little things that your girls does that you take for granted that will come to light if you decide to leave. And with that let’s jump into a very important relationship rule.

Earlier this week the YB talked about the 80 | 20 Rule when it comes to finances. But if you’ve ever seen Tyler Perry’s movie Why Did I Get Married you know that there is an 80 | 20 Rule for relationships. The 80 | 20 Rule is simple.

In a healthy relationship, you get about 80% of what you need/want from your partner. There are times when we will find someone who fills in the holes, offering the other 20%…and because it’s been missing for so long, you think you’ve finally found what you truly need. You start thinking, “Hey, this person has everything I am looking for in a partner.” This can be a relationship killer. Since you jump genitals-first for this new interest, you may want to give up your 80% loving partner for a 20% fling.

Back to the question at hand …

To me this question basically boils down to if you want to be in relationship with the main chick because the side chick from the way you worded the question doesn’t seem like she’ll last for to long.

I would suggest that you first sit down and talk to your girlfriend and just try to see where you guys are & to figure out if something substantial is missing from your relationship.

After the talk one of two outcomes will occur

1) You’ll feel unsatisfied or think that your relationship has no more room to grow, then it may be time to move on to someone that is better for you (not necessarily to side chick). There is no point in dragging out a relationship that is stuck in neutral, so the earlier you cut ties the better. But if decide to leave the make sure that you’ll have no regrets because there will be no returning once you’re gone.

2) You’ll decide that you can fix the problem and want to stay. You must then cut ties with the side chick because she has obviously gotten too close for the two of you to return to just being friends.

To wrap up …

The first thing you need to do is figure out what stage you are at in your life. Are you looking for love or maybe lust? I would recommend you pay close attention to the 80 | 20 Rule before you decide to swap partners, because you may be given up more than you think. Also try to look at what you have instead of putting so much focus into what is going wrong. You don’t want to throw away four years for something that just might be a fling.

PS …

While it is completely natural to be attracted other women, the fact that you’re thinking about leave your current girl, concerns me just a little and may be sign that your current relationship is just a joke to you. And though you may decide to stay with your girl, this problem may continue to occur with other women later on if you don’t get your issues at home fixed.

Dr. Lubomir
Adventoutpost.com
dr.lubomir@gmail.com

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Tagged as: Guest Blog, Mondays Mailbag, Relationships