Dating in Denial Part One

Words by Thomas Jamison

I get my ideas for my articles on YoungBrothas from people I know, or have interacted with. Life will always be the greatest teacher, and the lesson of brothas dating in denial is one that most don’t learn until it’s too late.

What do I mean when I say “Dating in Denial”? Let’s break down these four examples.

Ignoring The Past

For those fellas that are lucky enough to know something about your girls dating past, ignoring what caused the demise of the past relationships is a fatal mistake. I heard one guy tell me one time his girl had been cheated on by her last 3 boyfriends. I asked him a simple question, “Did you ever ask her why she thought that was happening repeatedly to her?”. His answer was “No, that’s too personal”. No it’s not. If you don’t know what she FEELS is the reason why her men cheated, you can’t truly judge for yourself the real reason, and then likely draw conclusions on whether or not those behaviors will drive you to that same conclusion.

Ignoring The Clues

Often times, most men don’t want to BELIEVE their girl is doing any dirt. Their ego won’t allow them to fathom it. While they may not be guilty of actually “cheating” in their minds, the men that are in denial of the clues believe in the double standard quote of “Do As I Say, not as I do”. I remember one brotha who used to go out to bars, meet women, flirt, even exchange numbers, but never would call the girls(according to him.) He also would hit up the strip clubs, get lap dances from strippers and spend his disposable income on women he had no relationship with whatsoever, all the while his girlfriend and baby mother was at the house. I remember asking him if she knew what you were doing, how do you think she would feel, and his reply was “She wont find out, and Im not doing anything bad”.

His mental block of his own actions allowed him to believe he was in fact not doing anything wrong, so his senses of whether or not his girl was starting to wander were preoccupied. All the time he should’ve been at home, his girl was making connections (old and new) on relationship killer Facebook, and when they did eventually break up(about 3 months after we had that talk), she had already set up his replacement, all the while building a new, stronger emotional bond with her new man. Stuff like this happens all the time fellas.

Ignoring The Facts

Just like in the above entry about ignoring the clues, ignoring the facts can be detrimental to your health. From personal experience, I remember being in a relationship my freshman year in college with a girl I met in my english class. “Brandy”, as I will call her, was the perfect girl. Smart, sexy, and a hip hop head. Yeah, Brandy was too good to be true. Problem was, she was just that, too good to be true.

As I found out, Brandy, while still dating me, was also dating 2 other guys, both on campus. She put off the game that she was searching for that one guy to be in a serious relationship with, however she was giving off obvious facts looking back that isnt what she wanted. Some were subtle, like never answering the phone when we were around each other, while others were more detailed, such as the fact we always would go out or get up on the same days, or at similar times. At the time, the reason was she had work study, yet come to find out her work study was where her 2nd guy who thought they were exclusive met up.

Thinking With Your Heart, Not Your Head

This one can’t be stressed enough. Many guys get caught up with a girl, and lose all common sense over some good loving. Normal warning signs that would usually flag any sane-thinking brotha goes out the window when his heartstrings are being pulled. Dont lose yourself in a relationship, and always remember your values. You sometimes have to pull yourself out of a situation to see how crazy you are looking or acting. When you start to think with your head again over your heart, you usually find yourself back on track.

Tagged as: Dating Tips, Relationships