But I can change her…

I have heard those four words by so many delusional brothas in so many failed relationships it’s not even funny. The story usually goes something like this…

Guy meets girl, they start casual dating. Guy catches feelings for girl, and makes her his girlfriend. The sex is great, the conversation is good, and things seem to be going just fine. Since the relationship is in it’s early stages, you neglect to bring up the one or two “minor” issues you have with your new boo, chalking them up simply as character flaws that I can “get over” or will “change” in her. If this sounds like you, please carefully read the following.

Just like most women have painfully come to the realization that they cannot change a man who does not want to be changed, men must also learn this rule. If you love the head she gives you, but hates the lazy tendencies she has regarding her career, do you think she’s gonna start being a go-getter all of a sudden now she’s with you? Perhaps when you first got together, your girl never cooked, but now things are serious between you, and you hope she will become the wifey you always wanted, which means cooked meals throughout the week. What would motivate her to change now? Men and women are wired to mask their shortcomings for periods of time, but after a while, the veil winds up coming up.

Sometimes you notice the problem areas in the beginning, which then give you a chance to make a honest decision with yourself before investing too much emotionally into this relationship. Other times, you don’t see the cons of your girl until you are in too deep, and depending on the deficiencies, they may become dealbreakers. No matter what they are, make certain you KNOW you cannot change her. No ultimatum will do it. No begging or pleading with her will do it either. If you believe that people can change, then also believe they change when they are good and ready too. The real question should be, are you willing to stay with the one you are with, flaws and all?

Tagged as: Dealbreakers