All his peoples moved on in life, he’s on the corners at night
with young dudes it’s them he wanna be like
It’s sad but it’s fun to him right? He never grew up
31 and can’t give his youth, he’s in his second childhood
- Nas “Second Childhood”
I have often heard from female friends that young black men are scared to commit. When I ask why they may feel that way, the answers vary, but rarely are they any that can be solidified. The fact is, many men in their early 20s to early 30s experience a “2nd Childhood”. Of course, these brothas are not playing in the literal sandbox anymore, but rather one in which words like commitment and consequence are not relevant.
Don’t get it twisted. Men who are in their 2nd childhood are accomplished. They generally are self-motivated, and excel in their education and/or profession. Some are entrepreneurs, whose “No Fear” mindset has made them excel in their field. Others took the traditional route, and finished college before entering the work arena. By the time they reach their mid 20s, they realize their “worth” in the dating game, and often reassess their options. Some of these guys may have never been “The Man” in high school. These were the guys who was rarely noticed by all the pretty girls. The athletes and dope boys pulled those chics. These were the guys who quietly sifted through his teenage years, and had a limited selection of women. As he got older, and his achievements grew, he was noticed. His confidence, and in some cases, arrogance grew, and he forgot how things used to be.
The brotha in his 2nd Childhood is also that guy you know who used to be “The Man” in high school, yet dropped out of college. He holds on to those fading memories of yesterday, yet has no concrete plan to develop new ones today. He might be that 31 year old who still frequents the club as much now as he did at 21. That might be ok if he was the owner/promoter of the spot, but not as a patron. This brotha might live at home with mom, or even in his baby mama’s/girlfriends place. His “dreams and aspirations/potential” was what attracted her to him, but that potential has become PO-tential quick.
For the brothas out there, if you carry any of these characteristics above, check ya self. It’s not too late to turn things around.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
…nice write up…i'm in a phase where i'm not trying to committ, but haven't yet reached my "second childhood" i'm just focused on other things
thanks for the comment fam. Do you think your focus on other things would be the reason you wouldnt commit to a relationship?
I know these brothas all too well. The thing, though, at the end of the day is that a man will commit only when he truly wants to. When he is given an opportunity that is just too good to pass up and will not come his way again. If a brotha hasn't committed, it is because he hasn't met that "just too good to pass up" woman yet. 2nd childhood? Maybe. But folk usually only "grow up" when they have a valid reason.
Good points. Sometimes women are forced to group up faster than men due to circumstances (children). A man may be the father of the child, but if the child's mother has custody, he can fall back to his pre-fatherhood ways. Regarding the opportunities a man has in front of him –
A wise man told me that "A Man is only as faithful as his options"
Good post. I agree with Dannigyrl but usually when they realize the woman was "just too good to pass up." She'll be gone bc the "too good woman" wants a man, not a boy. I don't want to be too harsh but the kind of man in their "second childhood" is weak-minded and weak spirited. There are issues that should be sorted out before pursuing anything else in life, relationship or otherwise. No woman wants a weak man.
Dash you know you could never be too harsh here. This is grown folks talk lol. As for your comments, I agree that women dont wanna weak man, but to be fair, that good woman may also have some baggage that is hindering the relationship too. We want to be fair in our articles and post the areas both men and women need to get better in.